I Have Asperger's
The unique perspective of the world through the eyes of a girl with Asperger's Syndrome
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I have so many things I need to do, and plenty of other things that I want to do. The problem with this, for me, is that I can't decide on what to do or if I should do something first. Some tasks, such as personal care (bathing, cleaning my apartment, paying bills, etc.) I know I need to keep close tabs on. Other things, however, are long overdue (thank you notes, practicing piano, possibly changing my website SLIGHTLY, calling a friend, and plenty more).
So at this point, I know I have to get certain things done, but I'm feeling the urge to do the things that don't need to be done. Then, I can't decide which less important task to work on. The biggest issue that comes from this type of situation is the fact that by the time I decide on what to do, I've lost interest in it. In the end, I tend to not feel like doing anything, have nothing accomplished, and start to feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, it gets to the point where I shut down completely, and I CAN'T get anything done.
Occasionally, I wonder which part of this vicious cycle is due to the Aspergers, and which part is something that everyone goes through.
More often, however, I wonder how I'm going to break the cycle, or even prevent it in the first place.
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2 Comments
To start, I'm very introverted, to the point that I'm one of the 5-10% of the population who becomes literally tired when having to interact with other people, and am genuinely happy on my own and being by myself. I like other people, and I enjoy my work and some occasional social time, but I'm also very happy sitting at home with my dogs or working with my horse and doing it by myself. So, I'm not the best example of "normal" (but, then again, who decides that is normal anyway? ;), but I'm not too far off that part of the spectrum.
As for your question, I do it too, and I think it's a common scenario. It's like just knowing that you *need* to do it, makes some stubborn part of yourself that much more resistant to doing it.
Today for example. I did not have to work, and I have a list a mile long of things I *should* have gotten done around the house and errands that need to be completed. Did I do any of them? Not a chance. I sat on the computer and watched the History Channel all day long instead of doing anything even remotely productive. I will feel guilty about it, I actually felt guilty about it today...I should have done these things, but I didn't...and I'm sorry that I didn't, but not sorry enough to actually *do* them.
As for changing the cycle...ugh...I'm not too good at that either.
I have found that making a list helps, and keeping that list in plain sight, somewhere that I'll see it during the first part of the day helps. I like being able to cross things off that list, being able to look around and know that I did something useful and good that day. It's not the best answer, and there are still days like today wherein I sit on my butt and don't do anything...but the lists seem to help. Also having a deadline helps, it prevents me from putting things off because I know there will be negative consequences if I don't get them done.
Anyway, it sounds like you are doing really well, so be proud of all that you have accomplished! Never stop working on things to improve, but also never forget to be proud of the positive things you have already done!
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