|Posted by Admin on September 17, 2013 at 9:20 AM|
Are you one of those people who has a fear of public speaking? It's not that you can't talk all the time. It's only when you get up in front of a crowd. Maybe you have clinical depression, like me. You aren't ALWAYS feeling depressed, but when you do it's debilitating. This is all similar to my inability to speak due to my Asperger's.
I can talk, most of the time. I can write very well. People always tell me how articulate I am. However, there are times when I literally cannot say a word. And people think I'm ignoring them, mad at them, or just didn't hear them. They get impatient, or they get confused. THEN I have to try to explain to them what's going on....but I can't. Because I can't speak.
Sometimes, I get really anxious in a new situation, and I don't know how to talk. There are NO words that I can form, because I don't know how to apply things I've already learned to current situations. So the other day, when I was at the doctor's office, and I had to go up and give them my form to check out....I didn't know what to say. They asked me "What would you like to do?" Well, I was supposed to get lab work before I left. But this thought didn't come into my brain right away. I was trying to figure out how to form the sentence, when they said "Are you checking out or do you need a follow up visit?" Well, NEITHER of those options were my answer. What was my answer I was going to give? I had forgotten. By now, it felt like a full 10 or 15 seconds had passed and I hadn't said a word. People were waiting and getting impatient. Now I was under more pressure. I looked over to my Mom, who thought I would be able to do this on my own, and gave her a look of sheer panic. I could barely even say the word 'Mom' to get her attention in the first place. My brain was going a million miles a minute, trying to figure out my next move and what I needed to say. Finally, after another few seconds of my silence, my Mom took over.
It's not that I didn't WANT to do this on my own. It's not that I didn't know that I needed lab work. It's that I didn't know how to explain to the person that I didn't want to check out, even though I was AT the check out spot. It was that I didn't know HOW to answer her question which gave me two options, neither of which I wanted. It was that people were waiting and I was not finished. I had barely begun. It was that I literally couldn't speak.
It's not that I can't speak ALL the time. But when I don't know what to say, I can't say it.